impetusofadream: (ravenclaws - we got it going on!)
impetusofadream ([personal profile] impetusofadream) wrote2011-05-15 01:53 am

Sad

I really do need to remember I have this stupid thing. But it's hard enough trying to keep track of Facebook and livejournal and e-mail and all the other things we use to communicate with people.


Today i am sad. I'm not entirely sure why. I think a lto of it has to do with realizing that maybe I'm a bad friend. that i don't keep in contact with people enough.

Or that I'm once again accutely aware of the fact that I am still single and that I desperately crave the kind of connect to another human being that comes with a relationship...and that I'm also desperately afraid that I will end up alone. At this point I don't even care if they're a man, just someone around my own age that just GETS me and wants to be with me, only me. and who loves me in spite of the fact i'm messy as hell, and completely fail at calling people back and worry all the time about being too fat, or a failure, or any of many other stupid things I over think.

I should be capable of being happy without a man, or woman or whatever. And most days I am...and every now and again, i remember that I'm 24 pushing 25; that I can count on one hand the amount of dates i've been on, nevermind having an actual long term relationship; and that I remember people telling me at 15 to stop worrying about dating...and here I am 10 years down the road and I'm in almost the same place romantically as i was then *except I know A LOT more about sex* and that scares me. It scares me so much.

God I don't even know what I'm babbling about. I'm tired, and the Doctor Who episode was just really emotional for me, I wear my heart on my sleeve I guess.

I think I'm just gonna go to bed before i embarrass myself any further.
mrs_tribble: (Sorrow)

My Story

[personal profile] mrs_tribble 2011-05-15 10:29 am (UTC)(link)
I really don't know what to say honey, other than to offer you lots of hugs. Maybe some of my story will help?

At 18 my first real love (3rd boyfriend) had dumped me yet again. When he called me and begged me to take me back I had a choice. I could say no and stay with the idiot I had already started dating or I could dump the idiot, take him back and let him hurt me again.

I said no. It was painful because I still loved him like woah, but it was the right choice. Staying with the idiot wasn't.

At 20 I married the idiot, with bruises on my arms and back and a lump on the back of my head which made my veil painful to wear. At 22 I couldn't face living with the idiot any more or taking the lumps, and at four months pregnant I filed for divorce.

From 22 to 24 I had a long-standing but casual relationship with someone. I remained loyal to him even though he chatted up my sister while I was recovering from childbirth (using the same lines on her as he had on me) and then beat the living shit out of me in front of my son - going back to him after he was let off bail and the CPS chose not to take things any further. I drew the line when he raped me.

At 25 I met Alan and we got engaged, but we eventually split. when I was 29. Then there was nobody until I met Trev at 29 and he and I wed when I was 31.

That marriage didn't last, and so I left my hometown and travelled the country a bit, staying with friends. There were a couple of relationships here and there but nothing major, and I spent most of that time up until 33 single and perfectly happy. Then I met Dom at a party and we became a couple shortly before my 34th birthday.

You're never too old to find a proper relationship hon - the one that sticks. In the meantime just have fun dating; dip your toes in the water and dabble a bit; don't commit unless it feels right and don't settle for just anybody. Learn from my mistakes if you want to. I know I'm with the right man now, but I've had to kiss a lot of frogs!

You're still young and there's plenty of time. There's a man out there who doesn't know how lucky he is yet because he's yet to meet you xxx