impetusofadream: (ravenclaws - we got it going on!)
2011-05-15 01:53 am


I really do need to remember I have this stupid thing. But it's hard enough trying to keep track of Facebook and livejournal and e-mail and all the other things we use to communicate with people.

Today i am sad. I'm not entirely sure why. I think a lto of it has to do with realizing that maybe I'm a bad friend. that i don't keep in contact with people enough.

Or that I'm once again accutely aware of the fact that I am still single and that I desperately crave the kind of connect to another human being that comes with a relationship...and that I'm also desperately afraid that I will end up alone. At this point I don't even care if they're a man, just someone around my own age that just GETS me and wants to be with me, only me. and who loves me in spite of the fact i'm messy as hell, and completely fail at calling people back and worry all the time about being too fat, or a failure, or any of many other stupid things I over think.

I should be capable of being happy without a man, or woman or whatever. And most days I am...and every now and again, i remember that I'm 24 pushing 25; that I can count on one hand the amount of dates i've been on, nevermind having an actual long term relationship; and that I remember people telling me at 15 to stop worrying about dating...and here I am 10 years down the road and I'm in almost the same place romantically as i was then *except I know A LOT more about sex* and that scares me. It scares me so much.

God I don't even know what I'm babbling about. I'm tired, and the Doctor Who episode was just really emotional for me, I wear my heart on my sleeve I guess.

I think I'm just gonna go to bed before i embarrass myself any further.